Kreative Tendencies

After an inevitable hiatus I return to the blogging world albeit a little less triumphantly than deserved. I just got the net at my new place so I should be able to keep the blog going a little more regularly now.

I quite like it here, its good to be able to smoke indoors, have freedom and independence and also make my own way. If I can save $400 I will probably sign up to 2-3 online study units, probably early next year though. It depends though, as I may be undergoing an adventure - traveling from Melbourne to Darwin - on foot! We'll see though, I need to get fitter first. In any case I still need to save the $400 - it will go towards a good quality back-pack and a tent if nothing else.

This afternoon I have to return home for an over-night stay. I get bored there pretty quickly so I will probably leave mid to late afternoon. That's really all for now, but hopefully not such a huge gap until the next post.

Cheerio

1. Hunters 'N Collectors: Holy Grail
2. Billy Joel: Captain Jack
3. Price Tag: Jessie J
4. Submersed: You Run
5. Three Days Grace: Last To Know
6. Pink: Who Knew
7. Evanescence: My Immortal
8. Blue October: Inner Glow
9. Kenny Loggins: Footloose
10. Jeniffer Rush: The Power of Love
11. Andrea Bocelli: Conte Patiro (Time To Say Goodbye)
12. Immediate Music: Serenata Immortale
13. Katy Perry: Firework
14. Avril Lavigne: Let Go
15. Linkin Park: Numb
    
16. Within Temptation: What Have You Done
17. Far East Movement: Like a G6
18. Various: Hallelujah
    
19. Justin Beiber: Never Say Never
20. Killswitch Engage: Holy Diver
21. Dido: White Flag
22. Korn: Clown
    
23. Insane Clown Posse: Wind Me Up
    
24. Gogol Bordello: Immigraniada
25. John Denver: You Fill Up My Senses
26. Divinyl's: Pleasure and Pain
27. Nine Inch Nails: Perfect Drug
    
28. Placebo: Pure Morning
29. Adam Lambert: Whataya want from me
30. 30 Seconds to Mars: The Kill
31. The Script: For the First Time
32. Kill Hannah: Lips Like Morphine
33. Atreyu: Ex's and Oh's
34. K.D Lang: Constant Craving
35. Cyndi Lauper: Time After Time
36. Otis Redding: Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay
37. Birds of Tokyo: Wild At Heart
38. Alestorm: Wench's and Mead
39. Lou Reed: Perfect Day
40. Live: Run to the Water
41. Marilyn Manson: I Don't Like the Drugs but the Drugs Like Me
    
42. Bruno Mars: Grenade
43. Guy Sebastion: Who's that Girl
44. Afrojack: Take Over Control
45. Pussycat Dolls: Dontcha
46. Alanis Morrisette: You Oughta Know
47. Boondox: Seven
48. Tupac and Elton John: Ghetto Gospel
49. My Chemical Romance: SING
    
50. Chris Brown: Beautiful People
51. Pearl Jam: Amongst the Waves
52. Johnny Cash: Hurt
53. Ke$ha: Tik Tok
    
54. Bee Gees: I started a Joke
55. Small Faces: Lazy Sunday
56. U2: Kite
57. System of a Down: Lonely Day
    
58. Silverchair: Emotion Sickness
59. Glee: I want to hold your hand
60. Wiz Khalifa: Black and Yellow
61. Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue: Kids
    
62. Charlie Landsborough: What Color is the Wind
63. Joe Nichols: The Impossible
64. Taylor Swift: Fairytale
    
65. Alexis Jordan: My Happiness
66. Various: We are the World for Haiti
67. B.O.B: Magic
68. Glee: To Serve With Love
69. Young Jeezy - My President is Black
    
70. David Guetta - Memories
71. Lily Allen: Not Fair
72. Enrique Iglesias: Hero
73. The Rolling Stones: Paint it Black
74. Usher: OMG
    
75. Matchbox 20: Unwell
76. Dan Hill: Sometimes when we touch
77. Cat Stevens: Father and son
78. The Hollies: He Ain't Heavy, He's my Brother
    
79. Gerry and the Pacemakers - You'll Never Walk Alone
    
80. Kansas: Carry on my Wayward Son
81. Black Eyed Peas: Meet me Halfway
82. John Lennon: Imagine
83. Bob Marley: Buffalo Soldier
    
84. Bob Dylan: Blowin in the wind
85. Train: If It's Love
    
86. Nickleback: If Today Was Your Last Day
    
87. Nickleback: This Afternoon
    
88. Creedence Clearwater Revival: Fortunate Son
    
89. Elton John: Your Song
90. Elton John**: I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues
    
91. Creed: Weathered
92. Submersed: Hollow
93. Justin Beiber: Baby
94. Owl City: Fireflies
95. Adam Lambert**: If I had You
96. Tool: Sober
97. Prodigy: Smack my Bitch Up
98. Bette Midler: Wind Beneath My Wings
99. Europe: The Final Countdown
100. Rammstein: Du Hast
101. Drowning Pool: Tear Away
102. Incubus: I wish You Were Here
     
103. Disturbed: Prayer
104. Incubus: Drive
105. Three Days Grace: Never Too Late
     
106. Marilyn Manson: Coma White
107. Marilyn Manson: Tourniquet
108. Live: Dolphins Cry
109. Live: Heaven
110. Creed: Higher
111. Chris Brown: Yeah 3X
112. Infect: For the Soldiaz
     
113. Evanesencne: Lithium
114. Ed Kowalcyk: Grace
     
115. At The Drive In: One Armed Scissor
116. DJ Earworm: United States of Pop
117. DJ Clay and Hatchet Family: Kept Grindin'
118. Nirvana: Come as you are
119. Nirvana: Heart Shaped Box
     
120. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Scar Tissue
121. Scatman John: Scatman
122. Lipps Inc: Funky Town
123. Mike Posner: Cooler Than Me
124. BOB: Aeroplanes
125. Akon: Smack That
126. POD: Set it off
127. Meatloaf: I Would do Anything for Love
128. Rage Against the Machine: Guerrilla Radio
129. Natalie Imbruliga: Torn
130. Alanis Morrisette: Hand in my Pocket
     
131. Spice Girls: Wannabe
     
132. Ronan Keating: When You Say Nothing At All
     
133. Robbie Williams: Angels
134. Robbie Williams: Better Man
     
135. Backstreet Boys: Everybody
136. Avril Lavigne: Hot
137. Avril Lavigne: Skater Boi
138. Kisschasey: Spray on Pants
139. Powerderfinger: My Happiness
     
140. Jessie Mccartney: Beautiful soul
141. Foo Fighters: Everlong
142. Foo Fighters: Best of You
143. Foo Fighters: Times Like These (accoustic)
     
144. Hoobastank: The Reason
145. Static-X: The Only
146. Slipknot: Vermillion Part 2
147. Stone Sour: 30-30-150
148. Stone Sour: Through Glass
149. Stone Sour: Bother
150. Michael Jackson: Human Nature
151. Elvis Presley: Blue Suede Shoes
152. Elvis Presley: Suspicious Minds
153. Elvis Presley: Devil In Disguise
154. Lynn Anderson - Rose Garden
155. TLC: Waterfalls
156. Oasis: Wonderwall
157. Shihad: Pacifier
158. Shihad: Comfort Me
159. Silverchair: Tomorrow
160. Silverchair: Ana's Song
161. Nine Inch Nails: Everyday is Exactly the Same
162. LMFAO: Anthem
163. Kanye West: Gold Digger
164. Outkast: Hey Ya
165. Outkast: I'm sorry miss jackson
166. Afroman: Because I got high
167. Kelly Clarkson: Because of You
168. Fergie: Big Girls Don't Cry
169. Theme: Benny Hill Theme
170. Theme: Great Mighty Poo Song
171. Theme: Victoria Bitter
     
172. Eric Cartman: Poker Face
173. Leona Lewis: Bleeding Love
     
174. Alestorm: Keelhauled
175. Bad Manners: Lip up Fatty
176. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Dani California
177. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Can't Stop
178. 28 Days: Rip it up
179. 36 Crazyfists: At the end of August
180. Jerk: I Hate People Like That
181. Lady Gaga: Alejandro
182. Lady Gaga: Telephone
183. Beyonce: If I was a boy
184. Beyonce: Halo
185. Katy Perry: E.T
186. Katy Perry: E.T Ft. Kanye West
     
187. Rihanna: S&M
188. Rihanna: Shut up and drive
189. Rihanna: Disturbia
190. Rihanna: Te Amo
191. Cee-Lo Green: Fuck You
192. J-Lo: On the Floor
193. Bruno Mars: Just The Way You Are
194. Pink: Raise Your Glass
195. 30 Seconds to Mars: Closer to the Edge
196. Usher: DJ got us falling in love again
197. Ke$ha: Your love is my drug
198. Jessie J: Do it Like a Dude
199. Diddy Dirty Money: I'm coming home
200. Good Charlotte: Like It's Her Birthday
     
201. Nicole Scherzinger: Don't Hold Your Breath
202. Foo Fighters: Rope
203. Jessica Maulboy: What Happened to us
204. Rick Springsteen: Jesse's Girl
     
205. Glee: No Air
206. Glee: Teenage Dream
207. Glee: Hey Soul Sister
208. Korn: Make Me Bad
209. Korn: Got the life
210. Adema: Giving In
211. Adema: Immortal
212. Adema: Let Go
213. Axe Murder Boys: Still Alive
214. Twiztid: We Don't Die
215. Twiztid: Afraid of Me
216. Insane Clown Posse: Tilt-a-whirl
217. 3 Days Grace: Break
218. 3 Days Grace: Riot
219. Linkin Park: In The End
220. Linkin Park: Somewhere I belong
221. Billy Joel: Piano Man
222. Cold Play: Clocks (Remix)
223. Nickelback: Believe it or not
224. Nickelback: Should've Listened
225. Nickelback: Never Gonna Be Alone

*(Alanis Morissete Cover)

You can get the full play list here.

Labels: music, top 10, top 100, top 20, top 200, top 250, top 3, top 40, top 50

I got officially discharged from the psych ward Monday night. It took quite a long time for the Crisis Aid Treatment (CAT) Team to arrive, and I was fully expecting to be there another day. I'm glad I was able to go home though, as I would have had to share a room with 3 others because my old solo room had been allocated to someone else. (Presumably because I was originally being discharged, or at least going on leave that day).

Being at the ward opened my eyes to a world of career possibilities and I've decided it might be worthwhile pursuing a career in Nursing. That course doesn't start until next February though so I will need something to do in the mean time. There is a course in Elderly Care with the option of adding Home and Community Care which goes for 6 months and looks like it would fit in perfectly. I just hope my mental illness will not be a hindrance.

Looking back, to some extent I actually enjoyed being in the ward and the communal living environment - This made me realize I'd like to eventually work in Mental Health. This time however, career wise, I'm going to fight avoidance, as well as see a Career Counselor.

Yesterday, to my surprise, my highly supportive mother bought me a smoking pipe. I didn't realize rolling tobacco was different so I tried using it but it was a little troublesome. It worked but I think pipe tobacco might be grainier - I'm not really sure.

Just after 11 I went to my GP for a follow up, I was given a script for more 10mg abilify with 1 repeat, and was asked to book a long consultation tomorrow so we could draw up a mental health development plan, or whatever it's called.

I then went to my first Anxiety Recovery Centre (ARC) meeting. Everyone was quite nice, and the partial 'odd ball' element of it all was quite interesting. Unfortunately they only meet once per month so I'd like to potentially join at least one other support group.

After the meeting as a reward for the courage to attend, as well as for an early birthday present for myself I bought a $10 cigar. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm quite looking forward to the experience. I originally asked the guy at the counter if they had legal herbal smoke but he was adamant they had nothing else - I think he thought I wanted weed.

I took extra pills to ensure a goodnight sleep. I took 1x10mg abilify 3x25mg phernegan and 1x100mg seroquel about 90 minutes before sleep. Then just before I went to bed I had a very minor psychotic binge where I took 1 more abilify, 3 more phernegan and 2 more seroquel. On top of this I took 2x5mg Diazepam - with this full cocktail, combined with the fact I'd already taken an extra abilify earlier on in the day this was not the smartest of ideas. Again though I view it as a very minor psychosis where in the back of my mind I was slightly hoping to enter a coma.

Instead I woke up just after 7am, feeling quite fresh! I'm quite calm at the moment, although there is a sense of boredom looming - I really need to get a job, even a voluntary one. I don't want to get so bored so as to renew wow.

Today at mid-day I have a follow up appointment with my GP as mentioned earlier. At some point I also need to do a little bit of unpacking. I have a phone interview with Centrelink at 1, hopefully the 2 appointments to clash.

Right now I'm going to create a current top 25 fave songs with the restriction of one song per artist. I will post the list next.

Labels: musicsupportabilifyanxietyMental Illnesshealthprozacrecoverypsychologist centrelinkseroqueldiary_updateNursingpsychiatristhospitalgpPCA

I suppose I should sum up the events till now since I didn't really cover them much. Sunday went fairly well and was interesting enough for a day out, Wiremue got quite plastered, which surprised me considering we'd had comparable amounts of alcohol and I was only mildly 'drunk' - anyway, it was a good enough day overall.

I came home Monday and pretty much just played wow, then today I did more of the same, until maintenance came, which was early because of the new 4.0.1 patch. During the down time I read up on some physics which were interesting but very basic.

I realized I'm still struggling with the same things I was a good five years ago, and I don't know how to reconcile them. I'm exploring options but it's really hard to know whats good and whats novelty. I just don't know.

More soon.

I'm loving spring so much this year. Usually it flys by, like any other season and I don't really notice, but something about these Sunny days lately have really made me appreciate the beauty of the natural world. I don't know if it's because I'm healthier or because I'm just spending more time outdoors (perhaps a combination of both) but either way I'm really loving it.

I've been having a lot of chaotic thoughts lately about the future, well, my future that is, and I'm not sure what to do. I could return to Uni, if they let me, early next year but I don't know if thats what I really want to do, I mean... I left for a reason. I could study something different instead, but I don't trust myself to devote enough time to online study especially with Cataclysm just around the corner. I could go to the force like I've more or less been planning to, assuming I get let in, but there is a lot of fear surrounding that, and I just don't know.

I guess the good part is, at this exact point in time I don't need to know. So I'll just relax and enjoy the beautiful spring day that is.

More soon.

I ended up going to Wiremue's Thursday night. He was annoyed at work and downed a few beers before I had the chance to even sniff one! Oh well, that's Wiremue for you. Friday was Gym as was this morning. Tomorrow is the BBQ which I'm quite looking forward to after another (albeit quick) gym session.

More soon.

Lookin' like another Bob Marley day
Hittin' from the bong like a diesel train
And I'm down with hangin' out this afternoon

We've got weeds in the backyard 4 feet tall
Cheech and Chong prob'ly woulda' smoked 'em all
So I'm out on the couch this afternoon

Beer bottles layin' on the kitchen floor
If we take 'em all back we can buy some more
So I doubt we'll go without this afternoon

You better hang on if you're taggin' along
Cause we'll be doin this 'till 6 in the mornin'
Nothin' wrong with goin' all night long
Tough to put the brakes on,
Doesn't matter when you'd rather

Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, We fall down
And then we do it all again
Just sittin around, hangin out this afternoon

Landlord said I should buy a tent
But he can kiss my ass cause I payed the rent
So I doubt he'll kick me out this afternoon

Down on the corner in a seedy bar
Juke box crankin' out the CCR
Had a few to Suzy Q this afternoon

Don't wanna wristwatch or an alarm clock
To see what time it is
From the moment I wake up
I just love being with my friends
We barely get by, but have the best times
And hope it never ends
We drink all day till we fall down
So we can do it all again

It's not the human walk
It's the human race
If you aint livin on the edge
You're takin' too much space
So I doubt I'll figure out
Just what to do
'Bout to kick it around
Hangin out this afternoon

Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, we fall down
And then we do it all again

Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Sittin around hangin out this afternoon

After pondering my futures options yesterday I felt a little overwhelmed. I enquired about a part time position in the military today and there's an info session on Tuesday about that so I might go, I'm not 100% sure yet. I also contacted the local station and as of now they are getting back to me regarding my enquiry, so we will see how long that takes.

I haven't done much today so far, I'm thinking of talking to Wiremue about arranging something for tonight, I'm extrememly tempted to have a few cold ones but at the same time it might be a wise idea to save myself, and the money, for Sunday.

In WoW I'm in a Druid mood today, so about to do some PvP.

More soon.

Today bought about some interesting developments. I played WoW for a while, getting my Hunter mining and then pvping whilst levelling the profession. I then went to gym and met an old school friend I hadn't seen in a long time. Then it was home for more WoW, mostly PvP.

I've been pondering the Applied Science program but I'm not sure. I kind of want to do it, but I kind of don't so we'll see.

More Soon.

Just woke up at around 10am. Not too bad considering day light savings just kicked in so it's more like 9 and I didn't sleep till around 3 anyway, so good - no oversleep for once. Other than gym this afternoon I don't plan on doing all that much today, probably end up just playing WoW, but you never know.

In the short term I'm looking forward to the weekend, and in the longer term 4.0.1 and Cata release.

More soon

It's funny. When I first started reading these blogs I was mostly in shock that 4-5 years had actually gone since writing them. It's a fair chunk of my life that's gone from then until now. The strangest thing is not a whole lot seems to have happened. This made me feel quite sad, as I seem to be more or less in the same place as I was 5 years ago and that feels very weird.

Not everything here brings me down though, there are of course good times, and some of the posts on this and my other blogs remind me of this.

I have a great deal to ponder, and a great deal more to read.

More soon.

Over 4 years have past since I last updated this particular blog. I have had several other blogs from time to time, but this seemed the most appropriate to resume posting in. I won't say all that much right now, as it's already quite late, I'm tired and I still have a lot of posts I want to read through.

I just wanted to get something down that wasn't 4 years old and that would hopefully encourage me to continue with tomorrow.

Today I took "Bob" home as he had been visting. I was playing WoW until maintenance then played some of Cata beta. In the mean time something prompted me to visit and old blog which eventually led me here and to this post.

More soon...